Rav Shach ZT”L shared many times his approach to the expulsion of a talmid. He explained that “Smohl docheh” must be followed by “Yemin mikareves”. It does not mean to expel the talmid and throw him away. It means to push him away, but then to embrace him afterward. (Mesoras Hachinuch, also in Yosif Ometz)
Rav Shach ZT”L addressed the concept of “yeshivos lemetzuyanim”, where the academic achievements and skills are criteria for admission. This excludes those who are weaker. Rav Shach was opposed to this, and together with Rav Elyashiv ZT”L, they issued a letter to all roshei yeshivos stating that they have a responsibility to offer learning to all, and that the image and kavod of the yeshiva should not be reckoned as relevant. (Mesoras Hachinuch)
Rav Moshe Feinstein ZT”L (Igros Moshe Yoreh Deah 3:71) addressed the effort required by a rebbe with a talmid who has difficulties in learning or behavior. He emphasizes that maximum effort must be invested, and that the talmid who ruins others is the only one to be removed from yeshiva, “but this must be decided with koved rosh and iyun rav, as it is dinei nefashos.”
Everything done by the melamed must be educational. Rav Elyashiv ZT”L stated the following, “It says, ‘Chanoch lenaar al pi darko’. One must be mechanech in a pleasant manner, not where the child will react with rebellion. In our generation, the fact is that most hitting (strict discipline) will cause the opposite (negative) effect. In the past, the child was obliged to adults. Today, the child is independent. Sometimes, even the parents do not understand this, and also take actions that detract from Torah learning, which can cause chilul Hashem ch”v. Therefore, it is critical that one find the proper (effective) strategy. (Quoted in Mileches Hashem – Hilchos Melamdim)
Rav Shteinman shlit”a spoke at a recent kinus on chinuch in Har Nof. He stated that there is a present preoccupation with “chutzpah” by talmidim. He said that the real chutzpah resides with the parent and the mechanech for pushing children beyond their readiness and potential, and for applying discipline which is not recognized by the talmid as beneficial. If a talmid sees a rebbe or parent behaving in a manner that benefits only the rebbe or parent, he learns to be self-centered, and will act out rebelliously.
Rav Gamliel Rabinovich shlit”a writes about the greatness of telling stories about tzaddikim in which there are words of mussar. He explains that the delivery of direct words of mussar, even if included in a message given to a large group, tend to provoke a reaction of defensiveness. This is avoided by storytelling. (Tiv Chinuch)
Rav Gamliel Rabinovich shlit”a writes that it is critical that one never say a word of zilzul to a child, quoting the posuk, “Ki be’apom horgu ish”. He says this is tantamount to spiritual murder. This is not a form of discipline or education but a form of destruction. (Tiv Chinuch)
Rav Gamliel Rabinovich shlit”a states the obvious when he notes that the parent or mechanech that disciplined or punished when it turned out to be unnecessary, he must admit his wrongs and ask mechila from the child. (Tiv Chinuch).
Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach ZT”L was asked whether a victim of bullying should hit back or rather to bring the matter to the rebbe. He replied that the victim should hit back in order to prevent additional bullying, but not for revenge. It appears that RSZ was aware that the rebbe is not likely to address the problem successfully. In most cases, the bully is a difficult child to address behaviorally, but the victim is generally easier. The victim that hits back is often singled out for punishment, although unfairly.
Rav Aharon Rosenfeld Admor of Pinsk – Karlin stated the following: “Regardless of the matzav, one must remember to protect the respect of the child and not to make him feel bad or to disrespect him chas veshalom. Because this child is not an ordinary child at all; he is the son of your Great Master, have rachmonus on him. Tomorrow, you will stand before your Great Master, and He will ask you, “What did you do to My son?” (Mishnas Hachinuch – Orchos Aharon)
Rav Mordechai Porush shlit”a points out that there is an observed tendency to approach the “baal tshuvah with a softness reflected in the pleasant manner, the ignoring of trivial issues, etc., but the child who is considered “karov ve’omeid” is given no such mildness. He states that it is obligatory to extend the same “loving touch” and welcoming to the child who is already part of the community as to the newcomer. He quoted such a behavior from the Chofetz Chaim ZT”L.
Rav Yosef Chaim Zonnenfeld ZT”L quoted the statement of Chazal, “Al tig’u bimshichoi, eilu tinokos shel beis rabon,” that this indicates that each and every talmid has the potential to be Moshiach and a gadol baTorah.
Rav Aharon Friedman shlit”a stated the following: “Never shame or denigrate a child. Even not in public it is assur to do this. One must wait for an appropriate, effective moment to give the mussar, where every word and its consequence can be weighed. Otherwise, every effort to rebuke can backfire and cause danger, not healing. Even the child who repeats his offenses should be addressed with pleasant speech and calm environment.