אט איז וואס ער שרייבט:
Okay sure, I went off the Derech. But even the worst Rasha only goes to Gehenom for twelve months, and that's without anyone saying kaddish for them. I have seven(!) brothers, I'm sure a couple of them will outlive me and say kaddish for me. I've done my fair share of Aveiros, but I have a decent amount of unassailable Mitzvos under my belt as well. I was a good student all through yeshiva, never broke any Halachos - and was even careful about Minhagim - until my early twenties, I am now about 98% vegan, so I don't eat any real treif (anymore), and being that I'm an atheist, I don't worship Avodah Zoroh. I have dedicated a lot of time and effort to fighting molestation in the Frum community, I served in the US Army, where I was the Jewish Lay Leader on my base in South Korea for a year, and when I was deployed to Haiti in 2010 immediately after the earthquake I saved countless lives (I realize they're goyim, but still - they've gotta count for something). Plus - to this day I listen to Jewish music all the time, so that must add something
So all in all I think my Chelek in Olam Habaah is definitely worth a pretty penny. Don't be a cheap Jew, and fork it over like it's Maftir Yona. Remember - you're bidding on an eternal reward in heaven
The winning bidder will receive a signed contract, guaranteeing my timeshare in Shomaim, and an additional signed contract guaranteeing that I will not become a bigger Baal Aveira than I am now, and that if I become a Baal Teshuva (don't bet on it), I will pay the fair market value for the return of my Olam Habaah
If you have any questions please feel free to contact me at Facebook.com/Rachmuna
Thank you, and happy bidding