ATUB @הוגה ATUB , איך בין פאסינעיטעד פון ראובן'ס אריגינעלע קשאי וואס איז נאך מער enhanced געווארן דורך דיין תגובה און דערנאך אפילו מער דורך ראובן'ס follow-up תגובה. דערפאר וויל איך זייער נעמען א טייל אין די שמועס.
However, I'm trying to get work done today and typing in Yiddish takes me a really long time, so if you'll forgive me, I'll try to offer my insights in English. This way, we both get what we want hopefully.
Hoigeh, I think that what you were asking (as a way of taking Rieven's question and raising the stakes on it) is how to measure value when you yourself are involved in the transaction. In other words, you basically feel that it's right to abide by your dad's wishes and when those wishes don't infringe upon your comfort in any major way, you're happy to do what is right. However, when it infringes upon your comfort, you don't know how to deal anymore. Your belief that it's right to do as your dad wishes hasn't changed. Objectively, you still consider that to be the correct course of action. However, now there's a subjective component added in, namely, the imposition on your comfort. It is no longer a question about whether spitting into another's coffee is right or wrong (you've already decided that it's right to give your dad what he wants) but to what degree you want to suffer in order to do what is right. And that's a question whose answer will be as varied as individuals themselves are. Depending on each person's level of selfishness/selflessness, empathy, guilt, fear, etc. But it's not really a question of ethics anymore.
Anyhow, now that you and Reiven have raised the stakes of the initial question, I want to try to raise it too. About 40-50 years ago, a gynecologist became renowned for helping childless couples conceive via in vitro. Of course, the chassidish community, where building a family is a paramount goal, began to talk about this doctor. The Satmar Rebbe zatzal was against using his methods, but Rav Moshe Feinstein zatzal okayed it. And so a number of chassidishe women who hadn't been able to have children for upwards of ten years went to see him. Lo and behold, a few of them indeed got pregnant. A few years later the doctor was charged with using his own sperm to impregnate some of his patients. Of course, neither I nor anyone (as far as I know) know whether the Yiddishe kinder were his biological children or not. But my question is -- considering the great joy these couples had by having a family, do you think the women (and perhaps even their husbands) cared that the doctor spit into their coffee, so to speak?