This is a true story from the WordPerfect Help line which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the Customer Care Department. Needless to say, the Help Desk employee was fired; however he is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause." This is the actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (now I know why they record these conversations).]
Starts here:
Employee--"Rich Hall, Computer Assistance; may I help you?"
Customer--"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Employee--"What sort of trouble?"
Customer--"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden, the words went away."
Employee--"Went away?"
Customer--"They disappeared."
Employee--"Hmmm......... So what does your screen look like now?"
Customer--"Nothing."
Employee--"Nothing?"
Customer--"It's a blank; it won' t accept anything when I type."
Employee--"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Customer--"How do I tell?"
Employee--"Can you see the 'C:' prompt on the screen?"
Customer--"What is a sea prompt?"
Employee--"Never mind, can you move your cursor arou! nd the screen?"
Customer--"There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Employee--"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Customer--"What's a monitor?"
Employee--"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
Customer--"I don't know....."
Employee--"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Customer--"Yes, I think so."
Employee--"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Customer--"Yes, it is."
Employee--"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Customer--"No."
Employee--"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Customer--"Okay, here it is."
Employee--"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Customer--"I can't reach."
Employee--"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Customer--"No."
Employee--"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Customer--"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle, it's because it's dark."
Employee--"Dark?"
Customer--"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Employee--"Well, turn on the office light then."
Customer--"I can't."
Employee--"No? Why not?"
Customer--"Because there's a power failure."
Employee--"A power.......a power failure?.... Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and the packing stuff your computer came in?"
Customer--"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Employee--"Good.. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it."
Customer--"Really? Is it that bad?"
Employee--"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Customer--"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
Employee--"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer..."
